I already told you all that I went to the local farmer’s market over the weekend with the husband. Besides buying almost seven pounds of peaches, we also saw these yellow and green figs that were too pretty to pass up. And neither of us remember having tried a regular, ol’ fresh fig. Fig Newtons? Absolutely. Dried figs? Yup. But not fresh. I knew they were in season and I thought they would go well with the cambozola (my new favorite cheese type) I had just bought for a cheese plate.
We brought them home, had some with and without cheese and enjoyed them. They taste like honey, simply sweet but the seeds are a wonderful crunchy texture. Just like in a Fig Newton. Despite enjoying them raw, the husband said, “Can we dry them? I think I would like them more.” Being the good wife that I am, I set out to find a way to dry them last night.

The first recipe I found said to slice them, put them cut side down and put them in the oven at 250* for a grand total of 2 hours. HAH. But then I found a recipe that proclaimed they can be dried in the microwave for 10 minutes on each side. Grand total of 20 minutes? Let’s just say “Shortcut” is my middle name and I was game!

I sliced most of my figs in half (and set some aside just in case, you know, the internet lied and this wasn’t going to work and I wanted some for a salad with blue cheese).

The directions said to put the figs cut side down on a plate. I was dubious. I thought about trying to put waxed paper or plastic wrap down but forged ahead bare plated.

Into the microwave for the first 10 minutes. I’ll pause while you admire our shiny new microwave rangehood…. okay. Moving on.

Pretty quickly the juice escaped from the figs. I became worried. Wasn’t all the juice supposed to remain IN the fig? I was picturing the slight gooeyness of the inside of a Fig Newton. Alas, I figured it should be okay and I just kept a close eye on these guys.

I checked back about six minutes in and the liquid was gone and… IS THAT SMOKE!? Sorry, no picture of the smoking figs trying to set my new microwave on fire. But yes, it was smoking. Not even close to 10 minutes on the first side. How is someone telling people to put figs in a microwave for 20 minutes when mine started smoking after SIX!?

The smoke is slightly visible in the left side of the above picture. At this point I was thinking, “Must be time to flip them over early!” Hah.

The sugar from the juices got hot enough to caramelize and burn but I was still thinking that these guys might be okay. Silly me.

Totally crunchy, mostly burned shells of figs. Crunchy! Again, 20 minutes!? My house would have been on fire if these had been in the microwave for 20 minutes. I know what some of you are thinking, “Maybe the power level was too high.” Yes, maybe it was. That wasn’t specified in the instructions I read, though. And will not link you to because, well, why would I promote lies?

There was one fig– see the one in the middle?– that looked like maybe it was edible. So I did what any good wife would do and told the husband that I had made him dried figs. When he came into the kitchen I handed him the only one that hadn’t been blackened.

Not so good. Though I did scrape the unburned seeds from the sides of the place and crunched on them. I’m glad I saved two figs for a salad but wish I had only tried this with one fig instead of ruining a few of them.

Anyone surprised that I was totally duped by the internet? Have you ever had a microwave recipe gone bad? Ever dried fruit in the oven for two hours?